eve teasing - the claims of ownership Monday, March 06, 2006
2:53 PM Permalink
humiliation, actual and insinuated gender-based violence, violation of privacy and sexual harassment are issues women around the world are tackling. however, its such an established part of our culture that we even have our own term for it. "eve teasing" as its coyly called, is a word of indian origin.
we know it is a pretty old phenomenon - almost something of a tradition. probably if we asked our fathers and uncles, theyd admit to whistling at girls or following them around in their college days. they may hastily add that its a lot more violent now than in their days, but nudge, wink. these things are part of growing up eh? "adolescent pangs".
sexual harassment is condoned by society as an acceptable phenomenon - after all, we do have a seperate blanket term for it. a term to hide behind so that we can forget that what it refers to, is the assertion by men around us that they own women. "their" women. little boys gang up and stand in the corridors lifting up each girl's skirt as she passes, grown men gang up and remove it. men have a societal grant to stare at, discuss and dissect womens bodies as though they are inanimate .
such behaviour is part of expression of "male sexuality". well, no - maybe thats a very narrow view. its also to do with female sexuality - eve teasing tells us that female sexuality is nonexistent if it doesnt exist to gratify male lust. we are sexless feelingless objects except when of interest to a man. if we happen to get hurt in the process, its magnanimously discounted. after all, "these things happen".
what is really interesting, is that even several men who feel upset by such a thing, still speak of how they were only able to stand by and witness their sister/mother/friend getting harassed in terms of the episode being a personal insult to them! again, the woman is passive in the situation, almost a non-element, while the men around her fight either to encroach on or guard her person. should the woman happen to do something, it results in a huge hue and cry - you even hear the occasional "whatever he did, you had no right to do that!".
and intimidation follows: a mob of smouldering tempers, a threat of beating up, acid throwing, kidnapping, rape... if the woman actually braves all this and does something, very often the police capitulate (forgiving, generous authorities) and magnanimously pardon the offender. male dominance is upheld at any cost.
its after all a concept that we have romanticised from childhood. we have legitimised stalking, emotional blackmail and harassment, white-washing them all as acceptable expressions of "love", until we've thoroughly confused infatuation with physical attraction, with love. result: (pseudo) love stories and songs in popculture saying
( youre a non-person who exists in my world solely to pander to my needs.)
or
(isnt that convenient now!)
and so we mutely accept being groped, pressured into sexual relations, fought over like property, even being told that all that is "normal". our former defence minister george fernandes even asserted in parliament (so much for that sacred institution of democracy) that women will get raped in times of conflict. these things happen. stop making a big fuss about it!
yes im bitter about it. very much so. and what breaks my heart more than anything else, is that these guys arent all otherwise thugs and rogues, theyre just average junta like you and me, and theyre participating in a social ritual that they have been taught. the "boys", are being "boys". so we girls end up being sexually abused and harassed women. in this prevailing social order women end up living in a police state perenially : looking over their shoulders, furtively doing a headcount of the other people on the road, being strung up, all the time bracing themselves against the next grope, nudge, leer and isult.
"solutions" like promptly posting cops all over the place, segregating men and women in a vehicle - most animals dont require that treatment - merely underscore and quietly accept that things will continue as they are now.
for a genuine long term solution we need to rethink sexuality and sexual expression so that we can start looking at establishing sexual rights and having mature and responsible relationships. all of which is possible only when we firmly reject the "normalcy" of violence against. speak up against harassment and sexism.
we know it is a pretty old phenomenon - almost something of a tradition. probably if we asked our fathers and uncles, theyd admit to whistling at girls or following them around in their college days. they may hastily add that its a lot more violent now than in their days, but nudge, wink. these things are part of growing up eh? "adolescent pangs".
sexual harassment is condoned by society as an acceptable phenomenon - after all, we do have a seperate blanket term for it. a term to hide behind so that we can forget that what it refers to, is the assertion by men around us that they own women. "their" women. little boys gang up and stand in the corridors lifting up each girl's skirt as she passes, grown men gang up and remove it. men have a societal grant to stare at, discuss and dissect womens bodies as though they are inanimate .
such behaviour is part of expression of "male sexuality". well, no - maybe thats a very narrow view. its also to do with female sexuality - eve teasing tells us that female sexuality is nonexistent if it doesnt exist to gratify male lust. we are sexless feelingless objects except when of interest to a man. if we happen to get hurt in the process, its magnanimously discounted. after all, "these things happen".
what is really interesting, is that even several men who feel upset by such a thing, still speak of how they were only able to stand by and witness their sister/mother/friend getting harassed in terms of the episode being a personal insult to them! again, the woman is passive in the situation, almost a non-element, while the men around her fight either to encroach on or guard her person. should the woman happen to do something, it results in a huge hue and cry - you even hear the occasional "whatever he did, you had no right to do that!".
and intimidation follows: a mob of smouldering tempers, a threat of beating up, acid throwing, kidnapping, rape... if the woman actually braves all this and does something, very often the police capitulate (forgiving, generous authorities) and magnanimously pardon the offender. male dominance is upheld at any cost.
its after all a concept that we have romanticised from childhood. we have legitimised stalking, emotional blackmail and harassment, white-washing them all as acceptable expressions of "love", until we've thoroughly confused infatuation with physical attraction, with love. result: (pseudo) love stories and songs in popculture saying
" I don't care who you are- backstreet boys, "as long as you love me"
Where you're from
What you did
As long as you love me "
( youre a non-person who exists in my world solely to pander to my needs.)
or
" There's so many times I've let you down- john denver, "leaving on a jet plane"
So many times I've played around
I'll tell you now, they don't mean a thing"
(isnt that convenient now!)
and so we mutely accept being groped, pressured into sexual relations, fought over like property, even being told that all that is "normal". our former defence minister george fernandes even asserted in parliament (so much for that sacred institution of democracy) that women will get raped in times of conflict. these things happen. stop making a big fuss about it!
yes im bitter about it. very much so. and what breaks my heart more than anything else, is that these guys arent all otherwise thugs and rogues, theyre just average junta like you and me, and theyre participating in a social ritual that they have been taught. the "boys", are being "boys". so we girls end up being sexually abused and harassed women. in this prevailing social order women end up living in a police state perenially : looking over their shoulders, furtively doing a headcount of the other people on the road, being strung up, all the time bracing themselves against the next grope, nudge, leer and isult.
"solutions" like promptly posting cops all over the place, segregating men and women in a vehicle - most animals dont require that treatment - merely underscore and quietly accept that things will continue as they are now.
for a genuine long term solution we need to rethink sexuality and sexual expression so that we can start looking at establishing sexual rights and having mature and responsible relationships. all of which is possible only when we firmly reject the "normalcy" of violence against. speak up against harassment and sexism.
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March 16, 2006 1:24 AM
Thanks - for making a point, and making it well!
March 17, 2006 8:59 AM
thank you :)
March 20, 2006 8:09 AM
I just found your blog and I love it! Brilliant post!
March 20, 2006 9:13 PM
thank you very much - welcome to sthreeling :)
March 22, 2006 5:57 AM
Stumbled across your blog by a very round about route. Congratulations on starting it and on trying to deal in a hard-hitting way with some very important feminist issues.
I have two posts you might find of interest...
http://darkdaughta.blogspot.com/2006/03/on-patriarchal-male-feminists.html
and
http://darkdaughta.blogspot.com/2006/03/anti-patriarchal-movement-yet-to-find.html
From a Black girl in solidarity. :)
April 01, 2006 9:46 AM
The Meher Bhargava case has gained a lot of attention in the media of late and it directly relates to the eve teasing issue mentioned in this post.
Let's hope the killer is brought to court and sentenced.
June 05, 2006 10:26 PM
What must I say when a man says "Such things happen, it happened a long time ago right? Why don't you forget about it?" Haha mister, is that a jeer, reasoning or consolation?
This is not a question, nor a topic, nor a conclusion. It's a statement that had left me blank and still does when I think about it. No I don't think I can forget it or the conversation preceding it or anything at all. Btw who is the man to tell the woman what to do with her thoughts? I thought the vagina was the limit, apparently not. I don't see advancement of the people, I just see abuse in a modern diaspora covered up with technology and education and elite men - what a farce!
June 25, 2006 7:31 PM
On a side note, you (all?) shift from 'we' to 'me' and back to 'we'....make up your mind.
July 13, 2006 12:27 PM
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October 08, 2006 11:30 PM
I wish I knew the reason for the name "eve teasing" Who is doing the tease? Is Eve a woman's name. Is Eve supposedly teasing the men, or because the men grope, etc, they are teasing Eve, if eve is in fact a woman's name.
I like your blog. I just realized that every post may not be the same author. Duh!
October 08, 2006 11:35 PM
Okay, I just got this from Wiki. It helps clear it up some:
This expression is not a useful one. It is unprofessional and runs counter to all positive work done in the field of violence against women, particularly criminal assault at home and other forms of domestic violence, and sexual and other violence against women on the street, at work and in educational institutions. It promotes the notion that crimes of violence, exploitation and abuse against women are promoted by women, that women want to be teased, or themselves 'tease' and hence are not truly victims of violence, aggression and criminal conduct. 'Teasing' is not something to be taken seriously: this expression trivialises conduct that is unwanted, exploitative or abusive, and often is criminal or ends in criminal behaviour. Instead of promoting a serious approach to what is a serious subject rather than a joke, this expression injects triviality or even hilarity into the field. The expression also promotes the notion that every woman is an 'Eve' to be teased.
Conventionally, and traditionally, Eve is known as a temptress - that is, as a teaser superlative. Therefore, whilst on the one hand endeavouring to assert that 'Eve teasing' is about men's sexual harassment of women, it promotes the opposite. It promotes the notion that women 'tease' (like Eve) and hence are not truly victims of violence, aggression and criminal conduct. It places women's credibility in question, when this is precisely what the Women's Movement and responsible people in the field of violence against women, girls and boys have sought to avoid or overcome. (That is, people who want to end violence against women.) The use of such expressions, even as slang (and perhaps even more as slang) is not helpful.
February 12, 2007 11:08 AM
Then, there's the matter of how decent Indian men revere their mothers, sisters or other rellies, but fail to see that someone, ex-army or another individual, teaches women to contend with unwanted attention in public. Eve teasing will continue till every respectable gal knows how to 'drop' a vulgar male, how to break a nose efficiently and, yes, aware of possible reprisals but willing to go down fighting, not as a cowering or 'embarrassed' individual. A most annoying feature of eve teasing is the blatant cowardice of those who engage in it... in numbers, a different story, but better to hold one's own, whatever the results. Put differently, an elderly woman I respect forever has a heavy stone in her handbag or carries a heavy umbrella. One sees much reference to eve teasers as illiterate or as villagers... then why do many speak correct English, drive, frequent better hotels, colleges, or other venues? Best to let the idiots have it, as best one can...& if one has time, see them booked, at the very least showing adoring family members what lives under their roof. Enough lamenting the problem, more attention to what may not be a solution but will make the twits think twice. With regard to uncouth villagers et al -- in my experience, these can be the noblest of Indians, OFTEN coming to one's defense.
If the rabble so want women's attention, I for one am happy to provide it, a good plop on the nose providing them something else to think about. In the same way, if one is being followed, turning and walking directly towards them, continuing till the poof backs up and must keep backing up, can be most effective.
Here's to all the women known to do the most terrifying things possible -- remaining calm, staring the idiot in the eye, proceeding, ignoring what is merely silly but responding promptly to Anything that is across the line.